Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
