I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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