Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He better not be in your backpack
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
