Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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