I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
