she sounds like chewbacca in bed
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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