i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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