why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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