My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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