Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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