Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
