I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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