So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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