this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
