Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
