just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize