so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize