oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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