I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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