I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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