At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
