i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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