i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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