I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
