I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was confusing and full of hummus
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
