I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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