There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize