I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
