WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize