I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
