It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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