Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
