Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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