So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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