Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
