You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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