i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
