Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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