There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
