mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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