I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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