So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
