R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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