Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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