And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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