if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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