so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
