I faked an abortion last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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