did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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