Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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