i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
