Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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