I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
