fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
