I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
