i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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