I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
