Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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