So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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